I love the show "Biggest Loser." I love to see the transformation take place in the characters' lives - not just physically but also as they discover the incredible person inside of them that has been slave and captive to the verbally- and physically-abusive demon that has led them down the path of shame and misery. I appreciate that the players are vulnerable enough to not only allow millions of viewers the opportunity to see them more than 150 lbs overweight and shirtless but also to open up the chaos of their psychological well-being and allow us to see them cry, laugh, scream, cuss, and work through all the emotional baggage they brought with them to the show.
I did always wonder, though, why over half of an episode was sometimes dedicated to "counseling sessions" instead of physical labor. I mean - this is a weight loss show, right Bob and Jillian? Well.....I found the answer to all that when I became a coach at CrossFit UCS.
In the past five months, I have been blessed over and over again with the stories of our people and with their willingness to open up the story of their "real life" - the story of a kid going to college, of a marriage in crisis, the story of a teenage daughter, the story of a past abuse......and how all these stories have affected or been affected by their journey with weight loss/gain, training for marathons and other sports events, and other aspects of their health. Maybe during the WOD, they got to a place where they thought they might die, and decided that whoever was available (i.e., me - the coach), should hear their last confession just in case. Maybe for some - the feeling of puking is so endearing that they see me as a new friend. Or maybe.....it's that encouraging and coaching someone to become the best they can be opens up a channel of trust and safety for the stories of their lives to naturally flow through. I'd bargain on the latter.
Well, now I have my own story to tell. For those of you who didn't know, I was about 12 weeks pregnant last weekend when we lost our little one (this might help explain the small hiatus I took on the blog from October til now...1st trimester pregnancy leaves you with very little time for everything other than the absolutely essential). To say that this has been a tough journey would be almost trite - we have one daughter - "E" - who will be turning four this year, but this is my second miscarriage in the past year.
To be honest, I've avoided talking about it as much as possible. It hurts - not just because this single event hurts, but because it reaches down and brings back the pain of last year's miscarriage. Because if I thought I had any answers, any peace, any resolution from what the Lord meant the first time, it's all been stripped away again and I am left with nothing. Because I struggle with longing for the things that I have desired and prayed for and I realized the gap that now exists between what I have wanted and what the Lord has planned for me.
And in all this, I realize that this is part of what "CrossFit" is. It's not just a place where men come and lift heavy things and beat their chest and shout loud, obnoxious things (though this does happen). It's not just a place where ladies come to do everything humanly possible to wear that bikini or fit into those jeans just one...more...year... (though this happens too). It's not just a place where we sweat, it's not just a place where we puke, it's not just a place where we see who can do the most work in the fastest time with the heaviest weight, it's not just a place with music that's too loud.
CrossFit is for those of us who have real lives and deal with it. Who see challenges and buckle up for the ride. Who face tough circumstances with the attitude that "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us...For [we are] sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." That's it. And our community, our "box" is full of people who have lived this surety out through many measures of suffering here on earth.
Thanks to everyone who has been on this journey with me and my family and to those of you who have also shared your "real life" with us at CrossFit UCS. This is an awesome community to belong to as we all journey forward.
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